btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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