I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
