It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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