Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
