He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
