and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
