I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
