Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
