I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
