and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
