Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
