My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
