Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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