scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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