Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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