I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
