I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
