Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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