toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They are going to name an STD after you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
