dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
