My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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