someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
