yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
