i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
