What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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