I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
