we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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