A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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