Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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