It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They have beer where we have blood.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
