can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bring me that man meat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
