i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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