where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need a beard to bite.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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