My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
