well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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