Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
