what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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