we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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