singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
