I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
