I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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