Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
