these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
