White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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