Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
