The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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