PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
