So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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