This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
