after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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