to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
