Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
