I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
