Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
