So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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